2021.11.28 01:55 Darth_Zounds Explain Like I'm Five: What is carbonite, anyway?
2021.11.28 01:55 CapeshitConnoisseur I [31 M] am struggling to come to terms not only with my break up with my ex girlfriend [28 F] of a year but also with the trauma she experienced and passed along to me
We met during the pandemic. I was in Wyoming and she was in Colorado but we both live in NYC usually and matched with each other on hinge there. We hit it off immediately: we both work in the same industry, love traveling, camping, movies, and have a similar sense of humor. We bonded quickly through late night texts and eventually sexting, and had our first date on a month-long road trip through the west. It was great: the sex was great, we got along, and we loved each other.
Until it wasn’t. She had a LOT of trauma in her past. Her dad was an abusive asshole who raped her mom and treated her older brothers really badly (her parents divorced when she was 2 so she didn’t get the same experience as they did). Her mom has a lot of mental and emotional issues that she takes out on my ex and can be difficult, needy, and overly emotional. Both her brothers were drug addicts who got sent to rehab multiple times and haven’t really established a strong foothold for themselves in life. Both her brothers and her mom depend on her to be the bedrock of the family to an extent. She was out there for months early this year helping her mom deal with selling her childhood home whilst sabotaging it by trying to cancel meetings at the last minute, being indecisive, and being insensitive to my ex’s wants and needs (she broke her arm in January and her mom and brothers didn’t give her the emotional support that she needed).
That’s not even addressing my ex’s actual trauma. She was raped twice: first in college and again shortly before she met me. She is an alcoholic (a family trait: her uncle died of it a few years ago) and a former cocaine addict. A few years ago she was going through a dark time and indulged herself in a lot of unhealthy activities and with at least one ex who treated her very poorly (he was emotionally abusive, drug-addicted and he put her in a psych ward for a few days). She was trying to be sober when we first started talking but fell off the wagon due to stress at home and we started drinking together on the road trip, which escalated over the following months. I think she had some kind of abandonment issues stemming from her grandmother, who she was very close to, cutting off her mom and her brothers due to personal grievances (most of her mom’s side of the family no longer speaks to her mom). To top it off, she can be very melancholy and self-indulgent when she drinks, which leads to her listening to sad music, crying and getting angry or sad about the past.
The problems in our relationship, although they seem present from the beginning in hindsight, really started when we both went back to New York last autumn. We both started drinking a lot together, usually 3-4 bottles of wine a night. We started arguing. She would get a call from her parents that would upset her and she would take it out on me, or she would want to argue about my politics or opinions that she didn’t agree with, and in term my own anger and anxiety issues made me difficult to deal with at times and unwilling to engage with her on certain topics out of fear that she would get angry with me. At my cousins wedding she got blackout drunk and called me a pussy and that she couldn’t ever respect me. The next day when I told her what she had said she said she didn’t mean it at all and that wasn’t how she felt: one of many times such words were uttered. That’s not to say that we didn’t have great times: we did. It’s just that so much of the time I was afraid of saying or doing something that would hurt her. I didn’t want that. She was the last person in the world I wanted to hurt.
Things got worse around Christmas. We both went back home and didn’t see each other for months. We talked on the phone pretty much every day, texted, watched movies together, etc. But she was dealing with selling her mom’s house, shooting a short film for school, nursing a broken arm, etc, and I was dealing with trying to find a new apartment after my roommates fucked me over and struggling to find a feasible job while doing an apprenticeship for a guy in the city. We met up shortly before we went to see my family in Hawaii. Right away things were great, but also off. She said it felt like we were friends instead of boyfriend and girlfriend. The distance couldn’t have helped, but I think at some point I started emotionally distancing myself from the relationship when everything became too much to deal with. We had a big fight one night, shouting at each other after drinking too much. I don’t remember what was said but it was along the lines of i don’t care, I don’t support her, etc. when I had been there supporting her the whole time. And of course the next morning we woke up, said we didn’t mean it, and went on.
By the time I went to see her in Colorado for her birthday things had deteriorated. We were snapping at each other the whole time, followed by making up, but her mom - who previously had really liked me - soured on me and they had a fight about me when I left. A few weeks later, I got the call: she wanted to take a break. My issues had become too much for her to deal with and she said I needed to go to therapy. We spent a few days in minimal contact while I tried to work something out, eventually finding a therapist, but by then it was too late: she broke up with me. She insisted on remaining friends, which I agreed to, because why wouldn’t I? I cared about her. I still do.
This summer was tough for both of us. We both drank heavily by ourselves, with her eventually going to detox for a week. I was the one she called when she got out. I picked her up, we went back to her apartment and I kept her company watching fun movies…and then she started drinking. I didn’t tell her, but even though I drank with her because I knew I couldn’t stop her, I went back to my apartment that night and cried myself to sleep over it. Shortly thereafter she asked me to ask a friend of mine to help her get Xanax so she wouldn’t want to drink as much: this I refused. I don’t think she was happy about it, but she accepted it. Contact wasn’t strained per se after that, but it wasn’t like it was immediately post breakup when we were both in regular contact like we were still in a relationship. Eventually she helped me get a job, and asked me to help her out on her thesis shoot. At the time I wasn’t very excited about this, or ANY of this. I was angry with her. Angry that she was still drinking, angry that she kept asking me to give so much to her, angry that we weren’t together anymore. I was still in love with her, even though I tried to tell myself and others I wasn’t. So after a while I asked her if she wanted to give us another shot. She told me it was bad timing, my problems aren’t problems that could be solved overnight, and she didn’t see me changing for decades. The next day she reached out to see if I was alright, reiterated that she still cares about me and wants me in her life, to which I said the same but I needed space. She agreed.
So for a month I struggled with all kinds of emotions. I eventually decided that even though I still love her, I need to let her go: I arranged the return of all the things she left at my apartment (even some things she left with me post breakup), although she seemed hesitant to take them back at first. After that, I wrote her a letter: I said sorry for the ways I fucked up, I’m not gonna take decades to change but it will take time, I still care about you but I can’t be your friend, so I wish you the best, and if you ever change your mind let me know. I sent it off and after I didn’t hear anything for a while I stupidly called her to see if she got it. She said she had but she hadn’t read it. She didn’t sound very happy to hear from me. The next day she texted me that I had made her uncomfortable by calling and crossed boundaries, that she doesn’t owe it to me to read the letter in any time frame or respond (not untrue), and she wants zero communication between us from now on.
That was a week ago. Over the past week I’ve been dealing with a whole litany of emotions: grief, betrayal, anger, hate, you name it. I still care deeply about her, and I always will, but I also have to come to terms with the trauma - both hers and my own- she inflicted on me. I’m still coming back down to earth from it. Maybe she’ll cool off and she’ll reach back out, maybe she won’t and we’ll never speak again. All I know is I have to move on from her. But it’s hard to see where to start. Anyone have any ideas/advice/kind words for me?
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2021.11.28 01:55 Intelligent-Cow5747 a tropa
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2021.11.28 01:55 whysomuchtalkingtho I think it would be really cool if we could look back and see when we finished each main quest, much like the achievements in br
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2021.11.28 01:55 Ominous_Butterfly Solo skiing tonight, let's get it started!
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2021.11.28 01:55 ShadowFox_BiH So while I only had her for a month she ended up in the shop due to a fender bender, I don’t care what anyone says the BMW driving experience is unmatched
2021.11.28 01:55 renegade0264 Bat crypto
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2021.11.28 01:55 tiggerclaw "From My Window at the Shelton, North"  by Alfred Stieglitz
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2021.11.28 01:55 LilTreacherous Need help
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2021.11.28 01:55 jediyeezus Any good live recording of francis farmer will have her revenge on seattle?
2021.11.28 01:55 Peashooter65 Extra super mario movie character actor concepts
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2021.11.28 01:55 catinachair Ender 3 Pro Help
I’m new to 3D printing and wanted to try, so I got an Ender 3 Pro. I tried printing the files that come with it (the cat and the dog) and it came out perfect, however I tried to used cura to print other models I’d find online and my 3D printer ends up just making lines of PLA all over the place. Does anyone know why this is happening?
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2021.11.28 01:55 chicgeekathlete She is so photogenic I just don’t understand it sometimes.
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2021.11.28 01:55 child_man_dad don't talk to me or my son ever again
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2021.11.28 01:55 Jaradcel How best are we to use dual awakenings?
While I know someone is likely to say this belongs in the weekly thread, I thought to get it out here so there's more understanding and easier reference for folks.
We've seen the upcoming dual awakenings, but none seem to suggest how best we can use these. Given they don't all play nice with awakenings, daasbs, and syncs, when are we "supposed" to use them?
Maybe if some keepers can best explain how to use (with references if possible?) Them in end game content like DK, Lab?
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2021.11.28 01:55 MemerThoughts Animals with dwarfism are treated far better than humans with dwarfism
2021.11.28 01:55 natural_locality Is BTS on tour NOW? are people just uploading old vids of tours???
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2021.11.28 01:55 chain888 14M - Can You Guys Be My Friend [friendship]
Hello, Im looking to chat with teens. I haven't had the chance to have IRL friends due to severe social anxiety. Being lonely is a terrible feeling that many people can relate to. Fortunately, I've been able to sustain a few friendships with people from subreddits. So tonight, I hope I can make some more.
I like music (grunge and rock). I like video games. I like watching YouTube. I'm a freshman who was able to unlock my lock on the first try. I'm basically your typical 14-year-old guy but a little shy and a somewhat comedic personality (you judge the comedy, I don't even know if I'm funny or not). I don't know. I just want to talk to good people.
DM if you want to be my friend.
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2021.11.28 01:55 geekybar1 Yanet Garcia showcases her bodysuit, leaving her followers speechless.
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2021.11.28 01:55 Vailhem Lithium-Ion Batteries Have Plunged in Cost by 97% – Here’s the Reasons Behind the Rapid Cost Decline
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2021.11.28 01:55 gagongpakyu 211110
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